Why is it that you truly never realise what a good thing you had with someone (even if it is just simply a friendship) until it is gone?  It is probably the most over-used sayings in the world, but it is also probably the truest (is that even a word?) saying in the world.

 

When i look back at my life, even though it is relatively short (a whole 19 yrs) i can see so many oppourtunities where i missed out (sometimes through no factors that i could control) on some things that i either would have liked to do/see/hear/experience.  The one that has affected me the most in this past week... is one of Love.

 

At the age of 16... i thought i was in love... i was SO wrong.  A mere 3 years later and i know that i was in love at 16, but not with the person i thought.  I had a boyfriend at the time, my first.  But it wasn't he had captured my heart.  It was my best friend. 

 

He was (and still is) tall, dark, handsome and very, very mysterious.  Although we had been solid friends since yr7, i can still honestly say i don't know hime as well as what i would like.  He had the type of eyes, that were windows to his soul, yet he always had shutters down.  You would always look into them and think to yourself "what are you thinking?"  I guess i would say that i have always had a ccrush on him.  But as the years grew on, high school ended and so did our friendship.  Things are weird now.  We don't talk when we see each other.  There are no hugs.  No laughing.  Its like something/someone died...

 

TO BE CONT... 

THERE'S A BOY

 

I KNOW

 

HE'S THE ONE I DREAM OF

 

LOOKS INTO MY EYES

 

TAKE ME TO THE CLOUDS ABOVE!

 

I think that say it all... or maybe it doesn't?  

 

Whoever will know...  Not me that for sure...???...

 

  

Why is it... That when i say i like motorsport to a guy... He is instantly turned off?  Is there a problem with females being interested in motorsport?  If so WHY!?!?!

 

My hero was Peter Brock.  He always was, i don't remember a time without him around.  I went to his funeral, I went to the memorial.  He was my idol, everything he said meant so much to me.  And yet, guys kept bagging me for how upset i was over his death.  Ok so i wasn't a 'friend'.  But Peter had a way of making you feel special when he spoke to you.  It was like you were the only person in the world for those 1 or 2 minutes.  He never put anyone down.  He was a gentleman.  Is it so bad for a female to look up to a male and admire qualities within him?  Is it so bad that everyday i think... OMG he's not here... It can't be true... They must've lied.  And its everyday that i see those same newspaper articles reminding me of that day... The day that my Hero died.

 

How many people get a state funeral?  How many people, when they die will stop half of Melbourne?  The day of Peter Brocks funeral, Melbourne mourned.  They mourned a racer, they mourned a family member and they mourned a friend.  Peter Brock gave everything he had to everyone.  He was amazing...

 

Why is it, that people are aloud to have a footy player as their mentor?  male or female it doesn't matter...   But yet when it comes to motorsport... I'M NOT ALOUD TO THINK THAT PETER BROCK IS A GOOD PERSON AND DESERVING OF MY ADMIRATION! 

A small collection of songs that we have done at choir from Les Mis... They have so much power, and although it is set way back in history... Still has great meaning and always brings a tear to the eye when they're sung...

 

 

Do you hear the people sing?

 

Do you hear the people sing

Singing the song of angry men?

It is the music of the people who will not be slaves again!

When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums

There is a life about to start when tomorrow comes.

 

Will you join in our crusade?

Who will be strong and stand with me?

Beyond the baricade is there a world you long to see?

Then join in the fight that will give you the right to be free!

 

Do you hear the people sing

Singing the song of angry men?

It is the music of the people who will not be slaves again

When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of your drums

There is a life about to start when tomorrow comes!

 

 

On my own

 

On my own,

Pretneding he's beside me

All along i walk with him 'til morning

Without him i feel his arms around me

And when i lose my way i close my eyes and he has found me.

 

In the rain

The pavement shines like silver

All the lights

Are misty in the river

In darkness the trees are full of startlight

And all i see is me and him forever and forever.

 

And i know its onlu in my mind

That i'm talking to myself and not to him

And although i know that he is blind

Still i say; there's a way for us.

 

I love him

But everyday i'm learning

All my life i've only been pretending

Without me his world will go on turning

The world is full of happiness that i have never known!

 

I love him... I love him... I love him... But only on my own.

 

 

Bring him home

 

God on high

Hear my prayer

In my need

You have always been there

 

You can take

You can give

Let him be

Let him live

 

If i die

Let me die

Let him live

Bring him home

 

 

Finale

 

On this page

I write my last confession

Read it well when i at last am sleeping

Its a story of those who always loves you

Your mother gave her life for you then gave you to my keeping

 

Come with me

Where chains will never bind you

All your grief at last, at last behind you

Lord in heaven look down on him in mercy

Forgive me all my trespasses and take me to your glory.

 

Take my hand and lead me to slavation

Take my love

For love is everlasting

And remember the truth that once was spoken

To love andother person is to see the face of go.

 

Do you hear the people sing?

Lost in the valley of the night?

It is the music of the people who are climbing for the light

For the wretched of the earth

There is a flame that never dies

Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.

 

They will live again in freedom

In the graden on the lord

the will walk behind the plough-share

Ther will put away the sword

The chain will be broken and all men will have their reward

 

Will you join in our crusade?

Who will be strong and stand with me?

Somewhere beyond the baricade

Is there a world you long to see

Do you hear the people sing?

Say do you hear the distan drums?

It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes!

 

 

Oh yeah, kittens are going great... They're running around like little mad creatures... Off to the VET for the first time this sunday!  HeHe...

 

Onto other things...  My dad came around un-wanted the other day.  He rang me... and asked where is was... i said i was home... and he said well your not in the house... As i walked in the door, i saw him coming out of mums room.  I told him he should have waited for me to come and let him in.  He just used his own key.  I asked for it back, and he said no.  He then tried making me pay some bills for him.  To which i told him that he needs to learn to do it himself.  Then he started yelling and screaming at me, that i'm not fit to be his daughter, and that he doesn't feel like a real dad, he kept trying to hug me and touch me... But i told him that i never wanted to see him again and that i hated him.  I was so scared that he was going to come back and hurt me.  I think he was drunk.  He was so angry... But it was his own fault. 

 

 

 

I hate christmas... All my family members die leading up to it.  Aunite Janet, Great Nanna Rogers, Great Nanna Wright, Nanna Sue (aka. Nanna Rogers... )... Kane, Nick... Who will be next? 

 

There is something... someone out there... that i want more than anything else in the world, and i will never be able to tell him how i feel... I wish he was here right now... I want to tell he how amazing he is... I want him to see how much i smile when i think about him... I want to feel the warmth of his hug... I want to feel safe, and know that he will never leave me... But it will never happen.  I miss him so much... but nothing will ever change... He will never know that i can't stop thinking about him... That he is all that occupies my mind... My dreams...

Well Well Well... I am finally on here again, although i have about as much to say as a have in the past few weeks.  I haven't really been up to anything at all... Elises 18'th was pretty good, although i managed to get home early to watch the v8's... 

 

I pretend i'm not stressing about my results... but i am... because i know i will fail... oh well... i'll get over it... Never thought i'd end up at uni anyways...

 

So yeah thats about it, still got alll the kittnes and all that jazz... they're coming up to 6weeks this thursday... noisy little things they are!